Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A Cynic's Christmas Story - Pandora's Box

After all, Christ, ironically enough, is a bastard for real, and came into our lives pretty much the way that the Avatar dude from the "jarhead" clan came into the lives of the indigenous people on Pandora. They wore Geo-graphic nakedness, and already knew how to jack in to the godhead of their trees.

We'd wrecked our earth then as now, and wanted the philosopher's black gold beneath their Mother's collective wisdom. Forgive me Lord, while I take your sacred heart and use it for my own merely symbolic purposes. John Cameron knows a lot about hearts as metaphor for what machine-think lacks. (Now if only the Governator would grow one, but we all know what steroids do)

I saw my very first 3D movie, for real, and it was pretty cool, I gotta say. I think I was the only one swatting flies as they swarmed my view, though, and no-one laughed at that pratfallen irony either. Why would anybody want to watch the flatscreen any more, when you can almost climb right into that virtually real greatest story ever told? I'll save my Winnebago stimulus for the Ritz!

The yes-sir! Marine called to stand in for his brainy sibling, the wanna-be in-planeted techno-god, because he was genotypically correct to take the place of his dead philosopher bro.  Our Hero this time also is a half Real-Man; without legs which has meaning clear enough for anyone who's ever watched Gone With the Wind.

This epic movie icon-man, bereft of family and divided from himself, jacks on and falls in love via the immaculately test-tube engendered (you gotta wonder why the Catholics go along with that) half-Earth half-Pandora actual whiteboy body he downloads into. He syncs across the great divide of worlds; not mere race or class or culture.

If reparations is the mot-du-jour for America's global warming sins, then Obama of course must shy away if he wants to keep his neck. But couldn't we just set up new trade in outered carbon already, simply for the purpose of transferring wealth back down to the squatters on earth's rainforests, the way we did for earth's inner raghead Texas tea-baggers?

Then someday soon, we can declare yet another civil smart war, or will they then just upstage our power with jazzed up personal truths ? Why not just finish them off with their own wanton defenselessness against intimately transmitted diseases the way we did the redskins. Triangular trade in rectitude; black gold,  Heroine Dorothy; opiated Taliban. Irony is the tool of the abusive intellectual, who can never trust that Sarah Palin will get the joke in time. She deploys her sexuality like Scarlett.

And the ignorant or the abused must all hear irony the same way, from years of being made crazy by caretakers who might seem to love you one moment and be actually raping you the next. There is room only for an Earnest Jesus, taken literally the way man wants Him.

Our Jesus had his metaphorical legs airbrushed right out from under him, and now stands in for the rantings of all those already left behind in the transport. But, once we stop angrily doing His work, the real Jesus might yet come into our still half-beastly hearts and light a fire there.

Hey, there's always Hope. Merry Christmas, and may God bless us every one.

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